what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
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At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
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i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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