he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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