Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
