My first STD was from a foam party
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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