we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
