I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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