when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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