drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
