Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
