As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
