All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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