Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She swung at the pinata with crutches
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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