party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
