here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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