I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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