Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
