I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
