I just gift wrapped bread.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
