there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
