I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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