i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
