Why does Corona taste like a burp?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
