I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
