This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
