you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
