doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
