Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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