New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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