I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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