i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
