it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
