i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
