Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
