atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
