OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
