I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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