You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
