i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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