im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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