I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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