FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
