Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
