So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
