I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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