i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
