your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Farmville is her only friend.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
