I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
