I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
