Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize