Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!

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  (312): She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon! http://tfl.nu/58y3
  Replies (9) Good night (4189) Bad night (802)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke

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  (515): sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke http://tfl.nu/6ss8
  Replies (16) Good night (3174) Bad night (999)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious

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  (908): he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious http://tfl.nu/30k1
  Replies (11) Good night (3326) Bad night (943)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...

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  (908): Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty... http://tfl.nu/7ob9
  Replies (13) Good night (2788) Bad night (1265)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.

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  (910): A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work. http://tfl.nu/czmo
  Replies (7) Good night (3664) Bad night (859)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.

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  (414): I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions. http://tfl.nu/so75
  Replies (3) Good night (1873) Bad night (745)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight

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  (905): I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight http://tfl.nu/g5pa
  Replies (2) Good night (1642) Bad night (869)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.

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  (972): I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper. http://tfl.nu/qsqq
  Replies (7) Good night (2201) Bad night (801)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.

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  (509): Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself. http://tfl.nu/tjqn
  Replies (14) Good night (1820) Bad night (860)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero

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  (847): i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero http://tfl.nu/upbm
  Replies (16) Good night (2540) Bad night (656)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.

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  (248): I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom. http://tfl.nu/9ssn
  Replies (3) Good night (1058) Bad night (554)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?

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  (808): Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space? http://tfl.nu/h1sf
  Replies (12) Good night (1378) Bad night (782)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.

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  (860): The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/fj2u
  Replies (7) Good night (551) Bad night (332)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.

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  (305): I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob. http://tfl.nu/2wm2
  Replies (2) Good night (398) Bad night (423)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.

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  (806): Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom. http://tfl.nu/49p8
  Replies (0) Good night (335) Bad night (275)

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