Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
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SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.