remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
