Old men and throwing up are my life now.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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