Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.