lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
