I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
