I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
