I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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