Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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