After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
