Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize