Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
