1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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