I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
