we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
