you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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