Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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