3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
