No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
