i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
