I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
