i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
