We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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