It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
