You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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