I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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