ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
