he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
