Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
